I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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