I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After tacos, we're chasing women.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
