How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
