yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
