normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
