Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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