it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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