his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
