Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
