no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
