Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
