Well douche your snatch and let's go!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
