dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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