she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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