Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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