I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my being single is dangerous.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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