just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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