I wish I could teleport
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
