he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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