After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
