I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
