It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
