I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
