He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
