you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
