Old men and throwing up are my life now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
