just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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