He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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