I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
