Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
