It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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