franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize