Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
