dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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