Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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