Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
