I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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