found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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