what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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