THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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