woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
