do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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