so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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