Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
