...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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