i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
