I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
