I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
