I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
