Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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