You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize