There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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