Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
