It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
