At least make sure they are 18
Why
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
