Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
