I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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