"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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