I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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