I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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