i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
