i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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