We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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