I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
