# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
