Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
