I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
